06 September 2013

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes: How Do You Measure A Year in the Life?

    One year ago today I took a final, rainy walk through Dublin City. I meandered down Grafton Street dropping all the spare change I had accumulated over the year into the cases of the buskers I grew to dearly love. I then walked through the touristy mayhem of Temple Bar.  I crossed the lovely ha'penny bridge and wandered along the River Liffey. I passed the James Joyce statue, and returned to my flat on Henry Street one last time to retrieve my luggage and board a plane back to the United States. After a wonderful, dreamy, hard-work-filled, life-altering year in Ireland I was finding it hard to day goodbye to this city, not to mention to the friends I made while living here. I did not want to go. But I was out of money, and I truly missed my friends and family as well the familiar California landscape. So I breathed in my last fresh Irish air, proceeded to the Dublin Airport, and tearfully boarded the Aer Lingus plane (fittingly called St. Aoife) that was to take me back to the US of A. I could not tear my eyes off the landscape until all I could see was the Atlantic out my window. Thus, I said farewell to the Land of Eire.

Last looks.

        I landed 6 hours later in New York City. I thought it a fitting way to return home: embarking upon another adventure. I met up with my dear friend, Jessica, who had recently transplanted herself to New York from Southern California. It was fabulous (once I got over the shock of the amazingly oppressive heat!!! After a year in Dublin with cool temperatures and the lovely rain, New York in September was a shock! 90 degrees F/32 C!) Wandering around this lively, historic city, seeing a fantastical play on Broadway, "Peter and the Starcatchers," and seeing the melting pot of culture, locals, tourists, and all sorts of interesting people was a wonderful way to spend my first days back in the United States.
Back in the U.S.A.
    The next journey was to fly from the still unfamiliar East Coast to land in California: home. It was amazing to me to discover that the flight from New York to California was almost as long as the flight from Dublin to New York! This is a large country I live in! I didn't really get that fact until I was in Europe which is so accessible and close, trips across Ireland by train only take a couple of hours. I landed in Los Angeles and it all seemed so oddly familiar, yet a year away is longer than I thought it would be, just long enough to adjust and become attuned to the Irish culture and accents and words and foods. It was strange to think things were strange. I flew the hour north to San Luis Obispo, and that is where I have been ever since.

   I have taken many trips to visit friends I had not seen for a year. To return to familiar places. I have attended many weddings, I was even the maid of honour in the nuptial of my dear friend Lisa.
The Wedding of my Lisa Ladybug, now Mrs. Jagers

     This year has been a great time of catching up with people. Of spending time with my mom, who I missed dearly while I was in Dublin. I have gotten a job at Barnes & Noble working with books, arranging them, bring books together with people, answering questions and really enjoying it. But this year seems so strange, to go from a great year of new experiences and significance and travels to a year of sitting still, waiting, working, and wondering what's next is a strange transition.

    I feel like a person who is split. I so desperately miss Europe and I want to return. But in what capacity? How would I support myself? And returning would just mean being in a different place and trying to answer these same questions. I miss the rain. I miss the lovely accents. I miss the slower way of life "don't worry about it, it'll be grand." I miss the pubs with live music all night every night. I miss the ease of travel with public transport and cheap flights all over. But while I was away I missed my community here. I missed many American foods and mostly Mexican food!

    So here I sit, wondering what is next, reflecting on the last year of my life. I have been creating a lot of art as a way of processing. I have printed thousands of pictures and arranged them in books documenting my time abroad. But I refuse to let them tell the whole story of my adventures in travels. I want to travel this country. I want to see so much more of the world that I have not yet seen. I am just wondering what the wisest plan of action for this is.

   A year goes by so fast. There have been many joyous reunions and weddings and adventures in this last year back in California. I do not want to miss the here and now, but I am so looking forward to the next adventure, whatever that may be. But until then I am enjoying connection through correspondence, so please, keep writing to me dear friends!







05 June 2013

Reflections Upon Readings for the 2013 Reading Challenge

Well, my intention for this reading challenge had been that I would read a book, then post my thoughts about said book to thoughtfully go through this year of reading. However, thus far that  has clearly not happened. That is not to say that I have not had thoughts to share as I read these books, I just have not been diligent enough to take the time to share them.

So I will share some spare thoughts on the things read so far from my list. I have tried to read bits from each category in order to keep my brain stretched and to not get stuck in or tired of any one genre. Thus the list is varied, which was part of the point of my choices for the year, to continue on the reading path started by my Master's Programme last year.

Books  completed thus far...

Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan


I chose this book because it is one that had escaped my reading and as it is a central classic of Christianity, I thought it would be worth my reading. What I did not expect was the fantastic picture it painted of the thought and life of the age into which it was written. Bunyan made it a point to write a work of encouragement in the vernacular and very common language of the day. In this, I believe, he succeeded. It is a beautiful allegory of the Christian life and all the trials and glories therein. I love the friends that Christian meets along the way and leads to heaven, or sadly loses on the path. I was very intrigued by the heavy-handed message against consumerism and commerce as being a great, arguably even the greatest, evil faced. This is seen as Christian and his traveling companions enter Vanity Fair and are attacked and stolen away. I shudder to think what Bunyan would have to say about our world of materialism and commerce today.  In the foreword to my edition, it was mentioned that there were many critics that were vehemently opposed to a work that appealed so widely to a "common" and un-educated seventeeth-century audience. This was an era in which more and more people in the world were becoming literate, not just the educated upper classes and it was thought that fictions and novelizations of things stole something of the true spirit from them and this was one major line of thought toward The Pilgrim's Progress. In today's world, most literature is fiction, is the novel, and the un-educated language of Bunyan appears quite the opposite. However, the idea that people could read and interpret this work themselves was terrifying in the contemporary time because they had always had Priests, Pastors, Reverends, Vicars, what have you to guide their thinking...what if they interpret this work incorrectly to their mortal peril?!?! *gasp* I love what this work and this debate did to bring about independent thought and ownership of each person's personal faith and walk with God. I also love the value Bunyan gives to story, after all, he argues, Jesus spoke in parables. Deep truths and philosophies seem to be more poignant when delivered in the form of a story. All this to say, I really enjoyed the process and illumination of reading this work. I cannot believe it took so long to get to it.

Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne

There are so many reasons that I chose to add this one to the list. To start with, it is a classic of Children's Literature that every single person should read. Secondly, growing up Winnie the Pooh was a dear friend of mine and I would often wander to the Hundred Acre Wood. However, I had a few random Winnie the Pooh stories I had read out of Disney collections of stories, that may or may not have been the real thing, so I decided it was time. I decided this long before this reading challenge appeared on my radar. When in London at Christmas I wanted to get myself an iconically British book from Hatchard's, the oldest bookshop in London, as I was perusing the shelves I came across a beautiful edition of Milne's classic that had been reprinted just as it was when it was initially published in 1926--there was no question that this was the perfect choice. Add to this that my mother, when in London in the 1970's for a study programme purchased for herself the complete stories of Paddington Bear, so I had to get the other British bear as I was in London. That is enough back story, I think. As expected, this collection of stories and adventures of Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore, Owl, Kanga, Roo, and, of course, Christopher Robin, was fantastic and extra fantastical. I love the imagination involved in the stories and the heart with an emphasis on friendship. The lessons of what it means to be a friend and to be unselfish and to learn together is beautiful. And who doesn't love a bear with a honey jar stuck on his nose?!

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick

This book was chosen because this author has been stated as one of the best Science Fiction writers and I have long had every intention of reading some Philip K. Dick. When deciding what to read, I had a hard time, however. The choice was between reading something amongst his many works that have been made into films (most of which I have seen, and would thus have preconceptions) or to choose something brand new to experience. After much thought and deliberation, I decided to go with something that had produced an absolutely fantastic film, Bladerunner (1982). In that I wrote and researched my Master's dissertation on film and literary noir and this fell into that category, I could not but choose this. I had looked at the film in the neo-noir section of my thesis, and I absolutely loved delving into the Science Fiction Noir. The original story on which the film is based did not disappoint. I loved the obvious grasp that Philip K. Dick had of the Noir genre of film and fiction and he included all of the tropes and expected elements that guide the reader to know it is a noir: the disgruntled "investigator" and/or thug, the series of femme fatales, the dilapidated and seedy world of San Francisco, and the loss of hope in all the characters we encounter. There is even a scene at a theatre with a sexed-up replicant female that Deckart has to destroy. The language and images painted in this book were great. Philip K. Dick truly is a master of the craft and I look forward to reading more by him.


The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter

This is another classic work of Children's Literature that I felt I needed to say I had truly read. I know somewhere along the way I had read this and probably all of the other bunny stories by Potter, but I could not recall. So, I diligently purchased a collection of The Complete Tales of Peter Rabbit, and let me tell you, this was money well spent. I aptly timed the reading of these stories to co-incide with Easter week and each night, my mom and I read these aloud and had a proper story time, which, I am certain, is the best way to experience these lovely stories and illustrations of these naughty little bunnies. I will definitely go back and read these stories again and again alongside Winnie the Pooh.




Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel

I chose this book for several reasons, the first of which is that it won the 2009 Man Booker Prize. I had also decided that I wanted to gain more exposure to works on or inspired by history to widen my knowledge and such. This book was fantastic. It is part of a trilogy called the Thomas Cromwell Trilogy. It is the story of Henry VIII and his rise and fall through the eyes of Thomas Cromwell. I find this choice of perspective very interesting because the story of Henry is generally told from the perspective of either his wives or Sir Thomas More, and thus, Cromwell is painted as a villian. In Wolf Hall we see the birth and rough childhood of Cromwell and his apprenticeship and growth under Cardinal Wosely and finally his rise to power as what was essentially Henry's most trusted advisor. As this personal story progresses we see the power that Henry VIII had as well as all of his insecurities and the maneuvering of all of the court around him in their desire for power. On a political note it is very interesting to see the way in which Thomas simply worked hard to get to where he was and was very devoted to those he worked for, this, I think, is the point Mantel is attempting to make with these books--Cromwell was not a villian, simply a practical man. In these books, More is painted as more of the villian and as a ridiculous character which is an interesting perspective (especailly if you have seen the series, "The Tudors"). The feminine side of this book is equally interesting and poignant. Cromwell was not a mysogynist, in fact he gives great power to his wife and expresses great respect for all the women in Henry's life, especially Catherine of Aragon. But it is Anne, in this book, who becomes the central powerful woman, and through Cromwell we get to hear and see her rise and all of the rumours about how she got there: who she slept with, who she stepped on, and how she manipulated Henry. This book ends as Anne has had Elizabeth and assured that Mary, Catherine's child, is made a bastard to assure Elizabeth's place. But Anne has been able to produce no male heir for Henry and she is beginning to be nervous and insecure as he obviously goes to other beds in the night.
This was a fantastically personal and obviously well-researched book. The second book in the series, Bring Up the Bodies, won the 2012 Man Booker Prize and is just out in paperback and it sits on my bookcase awaiting me. I look forward to the continuing saga.


Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

This is yet another book that I feel I should have read by now, but it had escaped me. I am pretty certain it goes without saying that I very much enjoyed the process of reading this book. It was rather heavy-handed with its views of mass consumption of entertainment and products. After spending a year discussing and debating the entertainments of the masses versus the elite I feel that I should maybe disagree a little with the premises of this book, but I cannot say that I did. This world in which all the humanities all beauty all nature all choice has been taken away is deplorable and ugly and disgusting to me. I do not want to live in a world run so efficiently where there is no space for independent thought and only room for science. Ugh! It is definitely a thought-provoking read that I am still thinking about. Also, it involves one of the greatest lines in literature that I have encountered recently: "I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."


A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle

Okay, okay, I can hear you all now "YOU HAVEN'T READ THIS BOOK?!" and my answer to that now is a resounding, "I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS HAPPENED!" this was seriously one of the most beautiful fantastical books ever. I love that it is the first children's science fiction work and it is well worth the Newbery Award that it won. A beautiful story of faith in the unseen, of the fact that it is ok to be different, and that we all grow out of our awkward stages; or is it saying that we grow into them and we come to be okay with it? I love the adventure of these three lost and strange and hopeful children and how they overcome great evil with the help of what is good. In this book L'Engle created the truly classic characters of Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. Who, and Mrs. Which...I love them a lot. The journey and adventure and finding hope and having sight for what matters is such a beautiful message and one that I believe we need to cling to more and more today. I definitely intend to read the rest of this trilogy.



Well, this has been my reading journey thus far. I am currently into The Imitation of Christ by Thomas A Kempis and plan to post about the process of this book as well. Please feel free to comment, agree, disagree, converse about these books with me, that is what this is all about after all!


Nine Months Back

This blog has been pretty silent in my time back in the U S of A. This is partly due to laziness, partly due to neglect, but mostly because I have not felt like dealing with the who, what, when, where, why, how, and especially the "what's next" of right now.

Let me start by stating that I am ok. I am blessed to have a mother who I can also call my friend who is so giving of herself that she is happy to let me invade her space and help me financially with a roof over my head and food to eat and the like so that, as I readjust to this place and try to decide where I want to go from here (and as I say that I always hear Buffy singing "Where do we go from here..."), I do not have to stress about these everyday expenses. I am also blessed to have found a job at a place I love, Barnes & Noble, working with books and people who enjoy books. True, it does not provide very well financially, but I think it is just right for this season, and I am blessed to have found it. There are downsides (selling e-readers for one) but working in a bookshop is so fantastic and good for my soul that I have decided to stop feeling that I need to justify it. I seem always to quantify my working at Barnes and Noble with a "but just for now" or "until I figure things out" not that it can't be that, but it is perfectly acceptable to work in a bookshop.

So outside of this, I feel very alone. San Luis Obispo is an amazingly beautiful city with many wonderful restaurants, a very lively artsy scene (which is a definite attraction to any city Becky lives in), beautiful beaches, and great weather. But I do not know many people and I am seriously lacking the community that I have learned that I, and each human on this planet, desperately need. I have learned a lot about myself over the last year in being on my own and traveling abroad; one of these things is that I have a hard time reaching out and connecting to people. Married to this is that I have a deep fear of commitment and rejection, so I tend to stay on the safe side relationally because I don't want to be hurt. However, this fear and stasis leaves me in a place of feeling outside, feeling alone. I love the time I have spent with my mother and my aunt and deeply value these relationships, but I need more.

With this in mind, I took some bold steps this week to reach out and get plugged in, I joined a ministry at church and hopefully a community group, because this is exactly the kind of community I am in need of: deep, more than superficial, and intentional.

But I am terrified.
What if this means I am stuck here in SLO? I feel all the time that I am in a holding pattern here, that I will make some money seek opportunity and leave to Fullerton or to London or to New York City...I do not want to settle here. This is where my mom is. This is where my family has been for many generations, which is cool, but I want to blaze my own trail, I want to be my own person, to be brave with this life of mine. But these fears keep popping up and I stay.

Logistically, moving cannot happen right now, I just don't have the funds and need a proper job wherever I would move to before I can afford to settle. Thus, I have realized, I am here right now; waiting for the next best thing, the next road, to dig into community is not a wise plan because I will miss out on the here in now. I will miss out on what God has for me in San Luis Obispo, California in 2013.

As I embrace the here and now, I sit in a torn and double-minded state. I desperately miss Europe. I miss the culture. I miss the people. I miss the ease of travel. I miss the independent life I established for myself while I was there. But when I was there, I desperately missed things of California: people, sunshine, food, life. So I am torn as far as what the next best right step in my life should be. So this is a season of prayerfully seeking that out while not missing out on the now. This is a season in which I do need to have space and time on my own, so it is good that I have not filled it with people and events to pull me away from that, but I need sounding boards, I need pray-ers, but I need to invest to gain investment.

So, dear friends, if you have called me and I have ignored you or been away, I apologize. I have not felt good about the state of mind and life I have been in, so I did not want to talk about it, so I didn't answer. I am sorry. This is the opposite of what I need to do. Please continue pursuing me. Ask me tough questions about things because I need to struggle with the answers. I want this season to be one of continued growth. I have realized that this time in San Luis Obispo is a continuation of my year in Dublin. I made a choice to go away, to follow this path of risk and adventure and learning who I am and how I deal with things. So, here is to more along these adventuring lines. We shall see what the future hold.

If you have read this far I am amazed and I thank you for caring enough to put up with this stream-of-consciousness post. I need community and connection and accountability so I felt very strongly that this is something that I should share.

07 February 2013

The 2013 Reading Challenge.

At long last, my long overdue reading-challenge list.

In case you are out of the loop and have not yet heard about this challenge, following are the pertinent details: pick 5 books in 5 categories and commit to reading them this year. This challenge was created to inspire a public that does not normally devote itself to reading to do so. On the surface this seems like an easy challenge, ok! I said, I will read books I have intended to read and commit to it, picking books and categories will be easy! This was certainly not the case. However, after much deliberation the list has been set (yes, there are many thing left off of it that I would like to include, but this is my story, and I'm sticking to it).

The Categories are...

CHILDREN'S LITERATURE
    1. The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh- A.A. Milne
    2. A Wrinkle in Time- Madeline L'Engle
    3.The Phantom Tollbooth- Norton Juster
    4. The Tale of Peter Rabbit- Beatrix Potter
    5. The Tale of Desperaux- Katie DiCamillo

SCIENCE FICTION
    1. Ender's Game- Orson Scott Card
    2. Slaughterhouse Five- Kurt Vonnegut
    3. Martian Chronicles- Ray Bradbury
    4. Brave New World- Aldous Huxley
    5. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?- Philip K. Dick

CHRISTIAN CLASSICS
     1. Pilgrim's Progress- John Bunyan
     2. Imitation of Christ- Thomas a Kempis
     3. Dark Night of the Soul- St. John of the Cross
     4. Confessions- St. Augustine
     5. The Cost of Discipleship- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

HISTORICAL LITERATURE (NEW)
     1. Wolf Hall- Hilary Mantel
     2. Brooklyn- Colm Toibin
     3. The Greater Journey- David McCullough
     4. The Hour of Peril- David Stashower
     5. To Marry an English Lord- Gail MacColl

BESTSELLERS/AWARD WINNERS
    1. Skippy Dies- Paul Murray
    2. Death Comes to Pemberly- P.D. James
    3. The Fault in Our Stars- John Green
    4. World War Z- Max Brooks
    5. On Chesil Beach- Ian McEwan


And my added category that I plan to read along with these others for the challenge:

POETRY COLLECTIONS
    1. Elizabeth Bishop
    2. Rumi
    3. Leaves of Grass- Walt Whitman
    4. Rilke
    5. W.H. Auden

"The House By The Side Of The Road" by Sam Walter Foss

"There are hermit souls that live withdrawn
in the peace of their self-content;
there are souls like stars that dwell apart,
in a fellowless firmament;
there are pioneer souls that blaze their paths
where highways never went;
but let me live by the side of the road
and try to be a friend.

Let me live in a house by the side of the road,
with people passing by--
the ones who are good, and the ones who are bad,
as good and bad as I.
I would not sit on a scorner's seat,
or hurl the cynic's ban;
let me live in a house by the side of the road
and be the friend I can.

I see from my house by the side of the road
by the side of the highway of life,
those who press with the ardour of hope,
and others who faint with the strife.
But I turn not away from their smiles nor their tears--
both parts of an infinite plan.
Let me live in a house by the side of the road
and be the friend I can.

I know there are brook-gladdened meadows ahead,
and mountains of wearisome height;
that road passes on through the long afternoon,
and stretches away to the night;
but still I rejoice when the travellers rejoice,
and weep with the strangers that moan,
nor live in my house by the side of the road
like someone who dwells alone.

Let me live in my house by the side of the road,
where all manner of folk go by.
They are good, they are bad, they are weak, they are strong,
wise, foolish--so am I.
Then why should I sit in the scorner's seat
or hurl the cynic's ban?
Let me live in my house by the side of the road
and be the friend I can."


May this be a picture of my life. To live the life of a loving friend walking with those who rejoice and those who mourn no matter who they are or who I am. Beautiful.