I'm baaaaaaaack! I mean this in more ways
than one. As my lovely Roomie pointed out, it has been a year since I
have posted on this blog. Wow, a year? How did that happen? Is that
ever indicative of the season I have just left behind: radio silence.
It was a time of goodness and love and support as I was in San Luis
Obispo living with my mom. It was the perfect place to land as I
returned from Dublin with no idea what was next (and no money to make
any of it happen). I landed the perfect job for this season:
bookseller at Barnes & Noble, what a dream! Every day I have been
able to talk books with coworkers and friends, to recommend books
that I love and get books in the hands of people who will truly love
them, and for whom worlds will be opened up. I did not intend for
this season to last as long as it did: 3 years, to be exact. But so
much happened in the time I was in San Luis Obispo: my Aunt's life
partner of 40+ years, Kip, contracted ALS and passed away; I got a
few promotions at work that made my soul soar and caused great joy as
I got to do even more with the books I love; and, my father passed
away, this took a lot of time to grapple with, and doing so in a
peaceful, supportive place was perfect. I also made some lovely
friends with whom there were many fun SLO adventures, and emotions
and connections and heartbreaks, but it was a season that had a lot
of beauty and joy in it.
While walking in this
season, however, it felt very stagnant and quiet and alone. I did not
allow myself to settle in until a year had passed—I did not intend
to stay. As I grappled with all of the emotions that filled this
phase, I felt very alone at times, as all of my dearest friends and
the community of people on whom I had come to depend were hundreds of
miles away. I had been away across the world, and then across the
state, so, naturally, people had moved on, but they had done so
without me. This was very hard for me to see and feel, especially as
I needed that to get me through the pain and confusion of being
fatherless and looking for the next right best step. I see now that
this forced me to lean in on the support of God and really look at
what was going on within me. And then, once I did that, doors opened.
I was always thinking about
what would happen next: where the next adventure would take me. I
thought a lot about London, but how to find a way in and a job to
support an expensive London lifestyle? I thought about the East
Coast: Boston? New York? How fun and new, but that felt more like a
trip I need to take, not where I was meant to land. But my mind,
heart and soul kept returning to Portland. Before heading across the
pond, Janelle and I had several conversations about the draw of
Oregon: either Ashland or Portland. Then, when in the British Isles
and talking about returning to this U S of A, we asked the question
“Where is the States has a climate similar to Ireland/Scotland?”
and we, once again landed on Portland. But I returned home with no
money to my name and I missed my mom and needed some time to
re-adjust, so I went to SLO, Nella went to Orange County and there
was no further talk of Portland. But it always remained in the back
of my head. Then my father died. It felt like a strange change and a
sort of emotional closure in my life, and I realized that it was time
for me to move on, to forge my own trail once again, so I began
seriously dreaming about Portland. I had decided that between the
beautiful green spaces, the lovely soul-filling, mind-quenching rain,
the coffee culture, foodie culture, and the literary and very
literate subcultures, Portland would be the place for me. And I
decided that what I really needed was another solo journey, like
Dublin, to go to a strange city all on my own to forge my own trail
and to meet people and become who I am going to become on my own.
As it turns out, 2015 is
the year of the wedding for me. I was going to be (and in fact was)
in the beautiful, lovely, ineffable, leafy wedding of my darling
Roomie in January. Which, anticipating this, I decided to look toward
February as the time to move up to Portlandia. This would be perfect
as I was to turn 30 in January and with that I could start this new
chapter of life. Ta-da, I'd made a plan!! I was so looking forward to
this! And then, on August 31 I got a crazy, exciting phone call from
my delightful doppleganger, Janelle, that she was engaged! Wow! That
was unexpected. And the wedding was going to be in Sacramento in
March. Woah, soooo do I participate in a wedding in Napa Valley in
January, move in February and then another wedding in March? This
seemed like a bit much. So, I decided that I would move to Portland
after my second bridemaidly duties of the year were complete. And, it
turned out, since Joel, the now husband to Janelle, is from Portland,
Janelle and he were planning on settling in Portland after the
wedding. So it wouldn't be a solo adventure at all, but one
experienced with people who I care deeply about who will be going
through some beautiful life changes and adjustments.
Even crazier than this, I
made some lovely friends in SLO. I got invested. But as I got to know
my fantabulous friends, Nick and Kyrie better, we discovered that we
had the same dream: Portland! They wanted to move in the spring, so
did I! This was so cool! Maybe we would even all do it together! I
was stoked and began realistically thinking and planning and turning
my heart toward Portland, it turned out that it didn't have to be a
solo journey. Then some plans changed, due to some extenuating
circumstances, they were going to have to leave their apartment in
September, so they, amazingly, inspiringly, awesomely decided to just
leave San Luis Obispo for Portland then, rather than waiting 6
months! So cool! And I had a momentary crisis, do I go too? Drop
everything and go? I decided that the answer was no as I really
wanted this to be a wise move for me and for the right reasons, not
just because friends were going and I wanted a change. So I said “see
ya in a few months” to Nick and Kyrie and continued dreaming about
Portland.
All signs pointed to
Portland. At one point I thought this might have been a silly whimsy
of mine to head up this way, but it was so much more than that. I
believe that God was orchestrating this time and place for me. I
needed a change. I needed a place to sit and be an adult and settle,
but He knew that alone was not the best way to do this. So, even
before I left the house in the packed-to-the-gills rental van with
Mom and Aunt Dori, I knew I was running to community amidst newness.
God had a Portland plan orchestrated for me. On top of this, He had a
beautiful church community that, I certainly feel, He created just
for me, waiting here. I spent some time with a dear friend, Allie, on
my last trip to Orange County before I moved, and she reminded me of
a church that her husband, and my good friend, Ramon had mentioned.
This church is called Door of Hope. (yes, yes, I know, I should
totally go to this church because my last name...) This church is a
place of beauty and grace and art and coffee and a deep deep love
for literature and all centered simply on Jesus. I love it. It is a
place where people write original music, perform it, and produce
albums. There is fresh coffee and mugs at every service, to make it
feel home-y, and a collection of mismatched eclectic chairs to choose
from. The messages are poignant, and delve into real issues through
the lens of CS Lewis and Victor Hugo and the Bible. I absolutely
connect to this. And, as if that wasn't home enough, this summer they
are launching book clubs as a way to jump into community: everything
from fiction to nonfiction to spiritual classics to poetry to SciFi,
I could not be more ineffably ecstatic about this. This is a place
built for me in a beautiful converted old building across from a
park. Sigh. It is just right.
I
could tell you a lot of stories about the amazing way a perfect house
in a perfect location fell into my lap (after much stress about not
finding anywhere to live!), a house walking-distance to Door of Hope
and loads of restaurants, bars, music venues, cafes and other
goodies. I could tell you about how a position as a bookseller at a
nearby Barnes & Noble opened up, and, after a bit of back and
forth, I stepped down from manager, and took the risk and came up to
Portland with a job that I know and enjoy (though I am hoping to get
a job as a Community College Professor in the near future). I could
tell you how one of my roommates is a dancer and the other makes jewelry in our basement. I could tell you about the puppy and the
5-year-old that I also share the house with. But mostly I want to
tell you that I am content. I know that I made the right decision in
moving up here. Everyday I discover something new and weird and
wonderful in this city. There have obviously been some lonely and
scary and weird adjusting sort of moments, but I am confident that it
is all worth it.
I
will be sharing more about my adventures in Portlandia. As I am now a resident of a new state, I want to be
intentionally engaged in this time and in sharing this with you, whoever you may be, my lovely reader. I hope to
share pictures and experiences. I would love for everyone to
experience the joy of Portland though, so come visit me!
