Portland or Bust.

    I'm baaaaaaaack! I mean this in more ways than one. As my lovely Roomie pointed out, it has been a year since I have posted on this blog. Wow, a year? How did that happen? Is that ever indicative of the season I have just left behind: radio silence. It was a time of goodness and love and support as I was in San Luis Obispo living with my mom. It was the perfect place to land as I returned from Dublin with no idea what was next (and no money to make any of it happen). I landed the perfect job for this season: bookseller at Barnes & Noble, what a dream! Every day I have been able to talk books with coworkers and friends, to recommend books that I love and get books in the hands of people who will truly love them, and for whom worlds will be opened up. I did not intend for this season to last as long as it did: 3 years, to be exact. But so much happened in the time I was in San Luis Obispo: my Aunt's life partner of 40+ years, Kip, contracted ALS and passed away; I got a few promotions at work that made my soul soar and caused great joy as I got to do even more with the books I love; and, my father passed away, this took a lot of time to grapple with, and doing so in a peaceful, supportive place was perfect. I also made some lovely friends with whom there were many fun SLO adventures, and emotions and connections and heartbreaks, but it was a season that had a lot of beauty and joy in it.

    While walking in this season, however, it felt very stagnant and quiet and alone. I did not allow myself to settle in until a year had passed—I did not intend to stay. As I grappled with all of the emotions that filled this phase, I felt very alone at times, as all of my dearest friends and the community of people on whom I had come to depend were hundreds of miles away. I had been away across the world, and then across the state, so, naturally, people had moved on, but they had done so without me. This was very hard for me to see and feel, especially as I needed that to get me through the pain and confusion of being fatherless and looking for the next right best step. I see now that this forced me to lean in on the support of God and really look at what was going on within me. And then, once I did that, doors opened.

    I was always thinking about what would happen next: where the next adventure would take me. I thought a lot about London, but how to find a way in and a job to support an expensive London lifestyle? I thought about the East Coast: Boston? New York? How fun and new, but that felt more like a trip I need to take, not where I was meant to land. But my mind, heart and soul kept returning to Portland. Before heading across the pond, Janelle and I had several conversations about the draw of Oregon: either Ashland or Portland. Then, when in the British Isles and talking about returning to this U S of A, we asked the question “Where is the States has a climate similar to Ireland/Scotland?” and we, once again landed on Portland. But I returned home with no money to my name and I missed my mom and needed some time to re-adjust, so I went to SLO, Nella went to Orange County and there was no further talk of Portland. But it always remained in the back of my head. Then my father died. It felt like a strange change and a sort of emotional closure in my life, and I realized that it was time for me to move on, to forge my own trail once again, so I began seriously dreaming about Portland. I had decided that between the beautiful green spaces, the lovely soul-filling, mind-quenching rain, the coffee culture, foodie culture, and the literary and very literate subcultures, Portland would be the place for me. And I decided that what I really needed was another solo journey, like Dublin, to go to a strange city all on my own to forge my own trail and to meet people and become who I am going to become on my own.

    As it turns out, 2015 is the year of the wedding for me. I was going to be (and in fact was) in the beautiful, lovely, ineffable, leafy wedding of my darling Roomie in January. Which, anticipating this, I decided to look toward February as the time to move up to Portlandia. This would be perfect as I was to turn 30 in January and with that I could start this new chapter of life. Ta-da, I'd made a plan!! I was so looking forward to this! And then, on August 31 I got a crazy, exciting phone call from my delightful doppleganger, Janelle, that she was engaged! Wow! That was unexpected. And the wedding was going to be in Sacramento in March. Woah, soooo do I participate in a wedding in Napa Valley in January, move in February and then another wedding in March? This seemed like a bit much. So, I decided that I would move to Portland after my second bridemaidly duties of the year were complete. And, it turned out, since Joel, the now husband to Janelle, is from Portland, Janelle and he were planning on settling in Portland after the wedding. So it wouldn't be a solo adventure at all, but one experienced with people who I care deeply about who will be going through some beautiful life changes and adjustments.

    Even crazier than this, I made some lovely friends in SLO. I got invested. But as I got to know my fantabulous friends, Nick and Kyrie better, we discovered that we had the same dream: Portland! They wanted to move in the spring, so did I! This was so cool! Maybe we would even all do it together! I was stoked and began realistically thinking and planning and turning my heart toward Portland, it turned out that it didn't have to be a solo journey. Then some plans changed, due to some extenuating circumstances, they were going to have to leave their apartment in September, so they, amazingly, inspiringly, awesomely decided to just leave San Luis Obispo for Portland then, rather than waiting 6 months! So cool! And I had a momentary crisis, do I go too? Drop everything and go? I decided that the answer was no as I really wanted this to be a wise move for me and for the right reasons, not just because friends were going and I wanted a change. So I said “see ya in a few months” to Nick and Kyrie and continued dreaming about Portland.

    All signs pointed to Portland. At one point I thought this might have been a silly whimsy of mine to head up this way, but it was so much more than that. I believe that God was orchestrating this time and place for me. I needed a change. I needed a place to sit and be an adult and settle, but He knew that alone was not the best way to do this. So, even before I left the house in the packed-to-the-gills rental van with Mom and Aunt Dori, I knew I was running to community amidst newness. God had a Portland plan orchestrated for me. On top of this, He had a beautiful church community that, I certainly feel, He created just for me, waiting here. I spent some time with a dear friend, Allie, on my last trip to Orange County before I moved, and she reminded me of a church that her husband, and my good friend, Ramon had mentioned. This church is called Door of Hope. (yes, yes, I know, I should totally go to this church because my last name...) This church is a place of beauty and grace and art and coffee and a deep deep love for literature and all centered simply on Jesus. I love it. It is a place where people write original music, perform it, and produce albums. There is fresh coffee and mugs at every service, to make it feel home-y, and a collection of mismatched eclectic chairs to choose from. The messages are poignant, and delve into real issues through the lens of CS Lewis and Victor Hugo and the Bible. I absolutely connect to this. And, as if that wasn't home enough, this summer they are launching book clubs as a way to jump into community: everything from fiction to nonfiction to spiritual classics to poetry to SciFi, I could not be more ineffably ecstatic about this. This is a place built for me in a beautiful converted old building across from a park. Sigh. It is just right.

    I could tell you a lot of stories about the amazing way a perfect house in a perfect location fell into my lap (after much stress about not finding anywhere to live!), a house walking-distance to Door of Hope and loads of restaurants, bars, music venues, cafes and other goodies. I could tell you about how a position as a bookseller at a nearby Barnes & Noble opened up, and, after a bit of back and forth, I stepped down from manager, and took the risk and came up to Portland with a job that I know and enjoy (though I am hoping to get a job as a Community College Professor in the near future). I could tell you how one of my roommates is a dancer and the other makes jewelry in our basement. I could tell you about the puppy and the 5-year-old that I also share the house with. But mostly I want to tell you that I am content. I know that I made the right decision in moving up here. Everyday I discover something new and weird and wonderful in this city. There have obviously been some lonely and scary and weird adjusting sort of moments, but I am confident that it is all worth it.

     I will be sharing more about my adventures in Portlandia. As I am now a resident of a new state, I want to be intentionally engaged in this time and in sharing this with you, whoever you may be, my lovely reader. I hope to share pictures and experiences. I would love for everyone to experience the joy of Portland though, so come visit me!